Have you ever asked (or wanted to ask) someone that question?
There are people who would be mad even if you hand them cash! A little bit of an exaggeration but you know people who live in a mood.
Every store they go to has rude employees, all the restaurants they eat at mess up their order, every other driver on the road is a________. Their co-workers are terrible and on and on and on.
Low key angry, bitter, incredibly fast to complain or criticize but incredibly slow to compliment or encourage.
There is an inappropriate song by this same name. Yet the lyrics express the same confusion and struggle every person faces dealing someone who is temperamental and unstable.
Tough Question ALERT. Do you have a suspicion someone close to you might want to ask you that question?
Here is a little bit of unconventional wisdom. Most people who live in a perpetual bad mood, constantly complaining because no one is getting right headspace....are hurting.
Here are three reasons so many people are in a mood
1) I think I have friends, I know I am lonely
Everyone can name a friend or two. Even if those friendships aren’t super deep. Actually that is most of our friendships, we can only be deeply invested in a few relationships. The problem comes when we have no deeply invested relationships. We may have “friends” but we feel lonely.
Remember small talk? The weather, sports, how much real estate costs etc. This is used to fill voids and pass the time. For so many relationships, small talk is all the talk.
Big talk (Is that a thing? The opposite of small talk?) is around meaningful things. The conversations you have with real friends and people you are close to. It includes hurts and concerns, hope and the future, encouragement and support.
For those living in a mood I hate to break it to you, you can’t build a real relationship around complaining. If you don’t have meaningful conversations you don’t have friends.
Even if you complain about the same things you know what happens? Once you are apart the person who complains with you complains about you. You do the same thing.
Not having friendships with any depth puts you in a mood.
2) I belong, but not to anyone
During the early days of COVID there was a common saying “we are all in this together”. I get the sentiment but, no “we” were not. We were all separated and cut off. It worked like a hammer hitting broken concrete. The cracks were already there, the hammer just blew them open.
It exposed where many are relationally. I am busy, I am around people and I am an American or an Employee of or my kids are on the Soccer Team but I don’t actually belong to anyone. You can’t experience real belonging to an organization. The only place you can have real belonging is with other people. People who care about you more than the work you do, the money you make or getting your kid to the game.
It is easy to be in a mood when you belong to places but you don’t belong to people.
3) Plastic Peace
Can’t tell you how many people I know who feel anxious. For all kinds of reasons. I can’t diagnose anything but I do know this, when people are anxious they are not at peace.
Yet for some reason we try so hard to pretend everything is great. If things aren’t perfect, then get a better house, car, clothes, haircut, or spouse. Whatever you need to feel better, look good and find peace. But we still don’t have it.
There is an inner angst afflicting people. It is like we all need emergency surgery for an appendix about to burst. For some reason we instead take aspirin, drink more water and putting a heat wrap on a sore knee. Those aren’t bad things but they are not what you need!
Plastic peace convinces us to ignore the disease and treat our discomfort. Yeah that should work…
When you have anxiety and angst but keep pursuing things that cannot bring you real peace it puts you in a mood. It would pu